Every behaviour has an underlying positive intention

It is one of the NLP Presuppositions, most influential and most controversial too. It gives us scope to find out the positive intention of the others behaviour and help us to understand them. The philosophy or logic behind this presupposition is that everyone is always doing what they believe right, or the only choice available to them given the circumstances as they see it. It is easier and more productive to respond to the intention rather than the expression of a problematic behavior.

Our behaviour is always trying to achieve something valuable for us. A person is not their behaviour. NLP separates the intention or purpose behind an action from the action itself. What appears as negative behaviour is not only so because we do not see the purpose.

This principle helps us to perceive the given situation from the point of view of the person whose behavior it is. People make the best choices available to them given the possibilities and capabilities that they perceive to be accessible within their model of the world.

Any behavior no matter how evil, crazy or bizarre it seems is the best choice available to that person at that point in time. Even murderers, rapists, and other bad people? Yes, they are right in their own unique model of the world that was the behaviour to get what they want, Ofcourse not to the total world.

This does not mean that the behaviour is the best possible choice (from an objective point of view). Nor does it mean that the behaviour will have positive benefits for anyone else.
A classic example of what we might call the inverted positive intention is the behaviour of the bullying manager who gains re-assurance from hitting on the people under him/her.

The solution to this kind of inappropriate behaviour is to find a way of satisfying the intention by more acceptable means. For example, giving the manager re-assurance in such a way that he no longer needs to bully his employees to get it.

So whenever you find someone’s behaviour is problematic, consider the positive intention(s) behind the behavior(s) associated with the issue or situation.

What could be the positive intentions (protection, attention, establishing boundaries, etc.) behind the behaviors of the other person and/or your reactions?

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